


Moving Forward

by boxofhatebrains



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Complicated Relationships, M/M, Missed Opportunities, Not Beta Read, Not Gundam Wing: Frozen Teardrop Compliant, Past Relationship(s), yes another sanc kingdom fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28993332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxofhatebrains/pseuds/boxofhatebrains
Summary: Quatre wants to talk about a night he shared with Heero so long ago in the Sanc Kingdom...
Relationships: Quatre Raberba Winner/Heero Yuy
Kudos: 4





	Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2008

"Things were so different then," he whispers, maybe just to himself since he's looking away.  
  
I don't say anything, but silently agree.  
  
"Sometimes I wake up in my bed and forget where I am," he confesses in an honesty only Quatre can make look easy and simple.  
  
He leans against his office's desk, while I quietly sit in the guest's chair across from him. I'm not sure where the conversation is going. I notice the clock is stuck on the same second, ticking in place.  
  
"Thank you for coming, Heero."  
  
I nod, stiffly, and ask, "Why did you ask me to?"  
  
He hesitates and his face flushes before he awkwardly laughs.  
  
"Do you still," he pauses a moment, his fingers trailing subtly along the wooden lip of his desk, "think about Relena?"  
  
"Yes," I answer, truthfully, but explain, "But not the way you're implying."  
  
"I think about Trowa," he murmurs, looking at my shoes, "But I tried and it didn't work...It wasn't going to work between us. We have different priorities and he's...changed. I've changed. So, I know that...we're friends; good friends, but that's all now."  
  
"Quatre, what's this about?"  
  
"Do you remember when Trowa," he sighs and it's starting to irritate me, how he's playing around, the way he's curving around the subject, "Remember when we thought he was dead? Remember at the school? In Sanq?"  
  
My stomach turns. Why is he bringing that up? That...wasn't supposed to be mentioned again.  
  
"You stayed that night with me," his eyes focus on me, "You slept in my bed. I held onto you. You weren't used to it, you didn't like it, but you stayed anyway. You let me cry against you. You were so warm..."  
  
"That was a long time ago," I tightly answer, warning him.  
  
"It was a real feeling," he continues, open and tenderly, "I wanted to be there, with you. Thank you for being there with me. That night...I keep thinking and regretting-"  
  
"It was highly emotional time for you and it was a long," I put weight in that word, " _long_ time ago."  
  
"Heero, I know you don't want me to say it, but I need to. I need to say it," he admits, glancing down at his hands, "And then you can tell me whatever you need to, but...I regret what I did that night. I did then and I do now."  
  
"It wasn't meant to be-"  
  
"I want it now," he interrupts, his eyes set and determined, "I wanted it then, but things...It was all messed up. I missed him. I hated what I had done, hated what I had become. I couldn't appreciate your actions then. But I do now."  
  
I stand up, and briskly say, "I think it's best if I go."  
  
"I want that kiss," he finally admits and my breath sticks roughly and clumsily in my throat.  
  
"It's too late," I coldly reply, but the sting is still there. No matter how I try to detach myself from it, it's there. I was young, naive, and acted wrongly. I thought I knew how I felt. I was innocent. I was curious. I thought he felt something, too. I didn't have a name for it then, but I certainly do now. Hormonal dalliance. Fleeting infatuation. A critical error.  
  
"Is it, Heero?" he emphasizes the sentence, like each word is a question. He watches me, so very closely, every movement, every blink of my eyes, absorbing me.   
  
"Yes," I calmly reply under his scrutiny. I don't flinch. I don't blink.   
  
Shaking his head slowly, Quatre sighs heavily this time, "I can tell when you're lying. Why?"  
  
"Things will get complicated."  
  
"Things were complicated then."  
  
"I thought I was doing the right thing then."  
  
"This isn't right?" he asks, his voice breaking along the edges of the words.  
  
"No," I reply sharply, "It's not right or wrong. It's about tomorrow. We're not in danger every day; I have to think about the future now. I could afford mistakes like that then. We were on the edge of dying everyday, I didn't think it mattered. But now, it does. It isn't about one kiss. You didn't ask me here for one kiss."  
  
He freezes a moment, his mouth opens for an apology or explanation, I'm not sure because he closes it softly.   
  
Nodding, defeated, he mumbles, "I've missed you, Heero."  
  
My stomach twists harder. I don't know what to say to that. There's the twitchy trepidation that I felt that night, when I pushed his hair out of his face and leaned in. I could feel him breathing, his ribs moving in between my arms, his chest against mine, his breath against my lips and cheeks...My heart thudding in a way I hadn't felt before. We were so close, I could see pale freckles on his nose. He let me get so close, get my hopes up, before he pushed away from me...Before he mentioned Trowa's name.  
  
"You're missing Trowa," I reply so evenly, I even believe it.   
  
"Damn it, Heero!" he shouts and it surprises me, certainly gets my attention; I've never known him to swear.  
  
"Am I wrong?" I challenge him.  
  
"Yes, you idiot!" he yells louder, his face flushing in anger.  
  
After a full minute, I raise an eyebrow and ask, "Idiot?"  
  
He blinks a moment, then looks very self-conscious and flustered, "Yes, you're an idiot, Heero. Here I am telling you that I miss you, that I want you, but back then...Trowa...And I had taken so much from him. It was confusing. To be with him, it made everything fit at that time. You had Relena and I had Trowa and that was it...But, here we are now."  
  
I don't know what to do. When he pushed me away that night, I had forced myself to cut it off. He and I were never a possibility. We had our separate paths.  
  
But here we are...Indeed.  
  
"Kiss me," he softly pleads, "Give me that one kiss. Even if it's not what I asked you here for. Let's just have that?"  
  
When I sit down again, he waits a few seconds before moving around the desk, approaching me. He leans down, closing the distance carefully. He gives me the time to pull away, to reject him, but I stay still. My heart drowning out the sound of his breathing.  
  
His lips are dry and warm; light pressure, precise, and gentle. I loosen my lips, slowly pull in his lower lip, sucking. We gingerly kiss, the moment delicate and devastating. My head buzzes, satisfyingly.   
  
He lingers on the kiss, trying to open it, but I keep it chaste, like it would have been back then, like it should be now.  
  
It's good. It's beautiful. It's what I was expecting years ago. But it's bittersweet; it's fleeting.  
  
I pull back and he struggles to. His eyes beg me, his hand finds mine and lightly holds it, but he doesn't say anything. I can walk away and he wouldn't hold it against me.  
  
We don't say anything for some time. I hear the clock ticking. His fingers curl against my wrist.  
  
"Stay the night?" he whispers, so barely there.  
  
I glance at the clock, out of habit.   
  
But to my surprise, the second hand had unwound itself from the perpetual rut, freely moving, keeping time again, keeping order...finding something new.  
  
I don't reply, but don't leave, either.  
  
The End


End file.
